The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I am not usually one that takes the time to get some thoughts down, but it is time.  I love pictures of my family, so that is what you will mostly see on here, but I hope to get a few more words down more...not just captions :) 

I do not consider myself someone that has really ever had any major struggles in life.  I have had hard times making decisions (big and little), I find myself struggling with jealousy, I find myself regreting things that I have said and done...but major trials in life? I haven't had...YET. 
This picture was taken the day or so after Christmas in 2015.  I had just gotten Paisley down for a nap and was sitting on the counter drinking hot chocolate, soaking in the last little bits of Christmas in my little home. 
I sat there thinking about how great life was. I took this picture of myself because I wanted to capture that little memory forever!  I thought about writing a blog post about happy I was with myself and where this life was taking me.  Now, I hope this doesn't sound like..."Oh look at me..." because that is actually quite the opposite. 
I think during that little month (and probably in the past also) I was getting down.  You know how you have those little ups and downs in life? Ya, one of those :) But this day, I was HAPPY.  That blog post that I planned in my head (or journal entry, if you will) was going to be great :) It was going to remind me of all of the good things I had going and would be there to tell me not to envy others and the materialistic things or happiness-es that they have.  Because I really did have all I ever wanted. 
But, you guessed it...that blog post never happened!
Instead, Christmas got put away and I spent time caring for my family. Before I knew it, another new (very full) semester had started again and that was again going to have to be a big focus of mine.  Working out was not happening anymore and I became unhappy or discontent with myself.  Let me just say that it really was JUST me.  I wasn't unhappy with Craig or Paisley, but me. 
I felt like I was focusing on the wrong things. I would sit in Sacrament meeting each Sunday and realize AGAIN that I had not opened my scriptures that week. I had failed at remembering (or pushed aside) Family Home Evening, and prayers were very sparse. 
Disconcerting? Ya, quite a lot.  Now this is just me. We all are different and we all go through the roller coasters of life.  But I KNEW that is what I needed to be doing to be happy. 
I needed to workout when I could because I WANTED to, not because I felt like I HAD to.  I needed to put my phone away and my computer down, unless I was doing good!! I needed to take time to look at others needs.  I needed to read my scriptures with intent and learn the stories of my ancestors.  I needed to remind my family on a daily basis of how much I love them...and remind them by showing them.  I needed to make time for my honey- because those husband are pretty darn important. 
Now, I am still not doing all of those things. But I felt like today I could write this post because I did take time for my Heavenly Father when I read the BoM. Did I forget my morning prayers today? Ya...when your husband runs in to the bedroom where you are sleeping with a baby girl that has poop up her back, you don't kneel down and say..."Just a minute honey!" ha But hey, isn't it great that there is still room for improvement!  I worked out today also. It felt good to know that I took care of myself. 
I hope that I (and maybe whoever else reads this little space) can remember that we don't need to be perfect to be happy. We just need to give a good effort every day!  And remember, that we are still going to mess up. 
It's why we are here.
So smile! Think of Christmas, if that helps :)
Happy Monday <3

Eight Important Questions

I found this list of questions in a pile of stuff in my kitchen. I am pretty sure this was a list that I made soon before I got married, I thought this went well with the new year as we are all striving to be better and represent Christ more. So here are the 8 questions that I want to ask myself each day and hopefully, I can have good answers to them all :) 1. Am I studying the scriptures regularly? 2. Am I praying daily? 3. Am I magnifying my church calling? 4. Am I regularly attending sacrament and other meetings? 5. Am I paying a full tithe? 6. Am I bearing my testimony? When was the last time? 7. Am I striving to keep the commandments? **Where do I need to improve my behavior? 8. Am I keeping the Sabbath Day holy?
Hopefully this list helps you as it has me :)

It's Up To Me

I came upon this quote towards the beginning of motherhood.  It had been a long, hard, and BAD week...but this really needed to be heard.

This is something that I really want to provide for my husband and children. Not only do I have complete control over this, but this is also something that I really want to master.
After all, I choose my attitude even when I can't control what happens.  If I can be the example of happiness, then my children will also learn this.
For pete sakes, life will just be easier if I can do this :)
Hopefully you all feel that you may not be perfect at this yet either...I for sure know that I can do better at this :)
Here is to trying harder and becoming HAPPIER :)

Lone Peak Chevaliers 2014-2015

Before I forget about this little draft sitting in here, I better get it some what published!!
Here are some pictures from my first year of coaching at Lone Peak High School. I was able to learn so much (and continue to!) and grow as a person, coach, and friend. I will forever be grateful for these opportunities that I had!
So here is a tiny little photo dump <3

We had a fun competition season at three different invitationals, a region competition, and then the state competition. Early Mornings, LATE Nights, and all together long days :) But, it is all worth it!

  Military Routine

Character Routine

This was on our flight to Florida with the team :)

It was a very early morning, I was 12 weeks pregnant, and all together needing a break!

After our LONG day of competition.

When I say long- I mean we had to be at the ESPN Center at 6 AM and we didn't get home till after 2 AM the next day...boy oh boy.

Disney World for the win...despite standing in lines all day, sweating buckets, and never being able to actually ride a freakin ride...ha it was still fun :)

My beautiful dancers in Lyrical

While in Florida, some of us went and visited the Orlando temple after a great sacrament meeting.

I was so proud of all of these girls that got out of bed, despite how tired they were from the competition day before.

What amazing examples!!

 

One of the only rides I was able to ride...yay kid rides!!

Our first day there we went to the beach...despite the rain and wind and freezing temps...we had fun :) Of course, I still was thinking about my sweet and supportive husband back home <3

The competition floor on the day of comp

Smoothies for the win.

My sweet girls!

 Coaches and our awesome President, Maddie.

 Year End Banquet!
(Can't believe I was almost 20 weeks in this picture!)

And because I can- I have to share this text.

I had been away from Craig for five days when he sent me this text.

Craig is not very expressive with words, but more with actions. 

He is not a long texter and really doesn't EVER send things like this.

When I woke up to this text in the middle of the night, I of course just started crying.

He is the worlds greatest hubs and NOW daddy :)

So there is a little snippet of last year!

Hope you enjoyed :)

Real Talk

  There is this little gal in our ward who was giving her farewell talk a couple of months ago. She read this little story and I asked her to send me a copy of it before she left on her mission. Sure enough, I received an email with the story :)  Because this is a journal for me and my fam, I like to remind myself that I can share these types of personal experiences here. This place feels safe, and who knows- maybe someone else needed to hear what I have learned and be strengthened by someone else today. So here it is!  

 In 1980,  a young man from Rwanda  was forced by his tribe to either renounce Christ or face certain death. He refused and was killed on the spot. The night before he had written the following commitment which was found in his room:

"I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit's power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made -- I'm a disciple of his. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals."

"I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean in his presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayer, and I labor with power."

"My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifices, hesitate in the presence of the enemy, pander at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity."

"I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till he comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till he stops me. And, when he comes for his own, he will have no problem recognizing me ... my banner will be clear."


I feel like some of these things that he wrote down carry so much power.
He is unashamed of who he is and what he believes. I have thought a lot about this.
There have been times in my life where I have done something or said something and immediately (or soon after) felt ashamed. I have since asked myself the question on a daily basis if I live a life that I should be ashamed of. Now, I normally do not find myself saying YES to this question, but I do find the little things that I can improve on daily. I want to take a stand and say that I also am part of the 'fellowship of the unashamed.' I want to be so happy with who I am and what I represent that I never have a doubt that I am doing my best.

He continues on in saying that his decision has already been made. He is a disciple. This part reminds me of a message that our home teachers taught us this past Sunday. In a talk by Elder Holland he talks about how from the very beginning of time, we have already known who the winning team is. Heavenly Father vs. Satan. We already know that Heavenly Father has won this battle, yet each day, we are faced with choices that make us question who's side we are on. If life were perfect, I am sure each of us would choose the right in every decision we ever face, but Heavenly Father also knew that we would make mistakes, maybe not choose the right team, and struggle. But, he also gave us the Atonement to help us score the next touchdown. Like he says, we cannot slow down, let up, or back away. Satan fears most when we are confident in who we are and in what we believe.

"My future is secure."
He says this with such conviction! Life is full of ups and downs, but knowing that we are on the Lord's side and that He is on ours is our security blanket. He has a plan for us. One comfort that I always have is that I know that my Heavenly Father will never give me a trial that I can't overcome. He knows that is may push me and make me grow (even more than I am comfortable with) He is still willing to be there for me to lean on when that trial comes my way. If we all had faith that our future was secure, there would be no need to fear, because we are on the Lord's side.

Skipping ahead, he talks about how he now can live by faith and walk by patience. This is something I really want to be better with. Having more faith in me, faith in my husband, and faith in my Heavenly Father that everything happens for a reason. Not only faith- but ESPECIALLY patience. As I get ready to have this baby, I am terrified with my flaws. One flaw that scares me the most is that I am not the most patient person. I have been tested over and over again in this area and have been blessed to become more aware of when I am being impatient, but that does not mean that it doesn't happen anymore. I know that this baby will be a joy and a blessing, but I also know my Heavenly Father well enough to know that this sweet blessing will also be a challenge and will definitely test my patience.

"My goal is heaven."
I think that most people would say this, but are they living this way?
I hope to be living my life, for the rest of my life, in a way that pleases my Heavenly Father. I hope that when my time comes, that I will have been preparing each day here so that that goal would be completed. 
"My road is narrow."
I think about the many times I have heard non-members say that because we have commandments, we are only limiting all the things we can do. We don't drink, we don't smoke, we don't drink coffee, we don't watch porn, we don't...we don't...we don't...
But really, it should be a a "We CHOOSE!" We choose all of these things. We choose a narrower road because we believe that these things will keep us safe.
I personally know that my Heavenly Father is wiser than I am, and even though it may be seen as a sacrifice, the choices I have made and will continue to make- make me happy.  So holding on to that Iron Rod on that narrow path is exactly where I would like to be.

"My way rough." 
As a little girl, the quote, "He never said it would be easy, He only said it would be worth it." hung on my wall. I don't think I ever understood what that really meant until I grew up a bit more. But, as all of us can probably state, life is not easy-- Nor should it be. We are here to be tried and to grow. That means there might be some challenges among all of those joys.
I just hope to be more ok with those challenges as they come my way!!

"My guide reliable."
I can't think of a more fantastic way of saying this :)
Amen to this!

"My mission clear."
Heavenly Father gave us a plan. A Plan of HAPPINESS! Who wouldn't want to follow that?
I think of the guidelines that we have been provided with. We have prophets and apostles that continue to provide us with these, and it only makes our mission clearer.
Today, things have become more black and white than they ever have.
I know that as I raise my children, that they will be able to see their mission and path ahead of them, clearly.

"I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed."
I feel like this should be our family theme...for life!
Each day we face decisions and I can't imagine facing those with such powerful words. I want to look Satan in the face and say this. And not just speak it, but demand it.  

  I hope to one day be able to stand for something like this man has. He showed unwavering faith and was willing to die for his beliefs.    What lines stood out to you and what kind of changes do you want to make in your life after reading something like this?   Just a little food for thought on your Wednesday night :)  

 

"The Hamburger Moment"

As I scrolled through Facebook yesterday, I came across an article that a friend had posted. The title read something like, "How I Was Abusing My Husband." You know, Facebook and their catchy titles that always grab your attention :)

Well, this one was a little different for me. 

It struck a little cord and I knew that I needed to read it.

So please, all those that are married, in a relationship, or hoping to someday be in a relationship -- PLEASE READ! 

This article has brought a whole new understanding to my marriage and I hope it does the same for you.

**And maybe even enjoy some pics along the way- this ones for me :)

"My “Aha Moment” happened because of a package of hamburger meat. I asked my husband to stop by the store to pick up a few things for dinner, and when he got home, he plopped the bag on the counter. I started pulling things out of the bag, and realized he’d gotten the 70/30 hamburger meat – which means it’s 70% lean and 30% fat.

I asked, “What’s this?”

“Hamburger meat,” he replied, slightly confused.

“You didn’t get the right kind,” I said.

“I didn’t?” He replied with his brow furrowed. ” Was there some other brand you wanted or something?”

“No. You’re missing the point, ” I said. “You got the 70/30. I always get at least the 80/20.”

He laughed. “Oh. That’s all? I thought I’d really messed up or something.”

That’s how it started. I launched into him. I berated him for not being smarter. Why would he not get the more healthy option? Did he even read the labels? Why can’t I trust him? Do I need to spell out every little thing for him in minute detail so he gets it right? Also, and the thing I was probably most offended by, why wasn’t he more observant? How could he not have noticed over the years what I always get? Does he not pay attention to anything I do?

 As I sat there, bearing the brunt of my righteous indignation and muttering responses like, "I never noticed," "I really don't think it's that big of a deal," and "I'll get it right next time," I saw his face gradually take on an expression that I'd seen on him a lot in recent years. It was a combination of resignation and demoralization. He looked eerily like our son does when he gets chastised. That's when it hit me. "Why am I doing this? I'm not his mom."

I suddenly felt terrible. And embarrassed for myself. He was right. It really wasn’t anything to get bent out of shape over. And there I was doing just that. Over a silly package of hamburger meat that he dutifully picked up from the grocery store just like I asked. If I had specific requirements, I should have been clearer. I didn’t know how to gracefully extract myself from the conversation without coming across like I have some kind of split personality, so I just mumbled something like, “Yeah. I guess we’ll make do with this. I’m going to start dinner.”

He seemed relieved it was over and he left the kitchen.

And then I sat there and thought long and hard about what I’d just done. And what I’d been doing to him for years, probably. The “hamburger meat moment,” as I’ve come to call it, certainly wasn’t the first time I scolded him for not doing something the way I thought it should be done. He was always putting something away in the wrong place. Or leaving something out. Or neglecting to do something altogether. And I was always right there to point it out to him.

Why do I do that? How does it benefit me to constantly belittle my husband? The man that I’ve taken as my partner in life. The father of my children. The guy I want to have by my side as I grow old. Why do I do what women are so often accused of, and try to change the way he does every little thing? Do I feel like I’m accomplishing something? Clearly not if I feel I have to keep doing it. Why do I think it’s reasonable to expect him to remember everything I want and do it just that way? The instances in which he does something differently, does it mean he’s wrong? When did “my way” become “the only way?” When did it become okay to constantly correct him and lecture him and point out every little thing I didn’t like as if he were making some kind of mistake?

And how does it benefit him? Does it make him think, “Wow! I’m sure glad she was there to set me straight?” I highly doubt it. He probably feels like I’m harping on him for no reason whatsoever. And it I’m pretty sure it makes him think his best approach in regards to me is to either stop doing things around the house, or avoid me altogether.

Two cases in point. #1. I recently found a shard of glass on the kitchen floor. I asked him what happened. He said he broke a glass the night before. When I asked why he didn’t tell me, he said, “I just cleaned it up and threw it away because I didn’t want you to have a conniption fit over it.” #2. I was taking out the trash and found a pair of blue tube socks in the bin outside. I asked him what happened and why he’d thrown them away. He said, “They accidentally got in the wash with my jeans. Every time I put in laundry, you feel the need to remind me not to mix colors and whites. I didn’t want you to see them and reinforce your obvious belief that I don’t know how to wash clothes after 35 years.”

 So it got to the point where he felt it was a better idea -- or just plain easier -- to cover things up than admit he made a human error. What kind of environment have I created where he feels he's not allowed to make mistakes?

And let's look at these "offenses": A broken glass. A pair of blue tube socks. Both common mistakes that anyone could have made. But he was right. Regarding the glass, I not only pointed out his clumsiness for breaking it, but also due to the shard I found, his sad attempt at cleaning it up. As for the sicks, even though he's clearly stated it was an accident, I gave him a verbal lesson about making sure he pays more attention when he's sorting clothes. Whenever any issue like this arise, he'll sit there and take it for a little bit, but always responds in the end with something like, "I guess it just doesn't matter that much to me." 

I know now that what he means is, "this thing that has you so upset is a small detail, or a matter of opinion, or a preference, and I don't see why you're making it such a big deal." But from my end I came to interpret it over time that he didn't care about my happiness or trying to do things the way I think they should be done. I came to view it like "this guy just doesn't get it." I am clearly the brains of this operation.

I started thinking about what I'd observed with my friends' relationships, and things my girlfriends would complain about regarding their husbands, and I realized that I wasn't alone. Somehow, too many women have fallen into the belief that Wife Always Knows Best. There's eve a phrase to reinforce it: "Happy wife, happy life." That doesn't leave a lot of room for his opinions, does it? 

 It's an easy stereotype to buy into. Look at the media. Movies, TV, advertisements -- they're all filled with images of hapless husbands and clever wives. He can't cook. He can't take care of the kids. If you send him out to get three things, he'll come back with two -- and they'll both be wrong. We see it again and again. 

What this constant nagging and harping does is send a message to our husbands that says "we don't respect you. We don't think you're smart enough to do things right. We expect you to mess up. And when you do, you'll be called out on it swiftly and without reservation." Given this kind of negative reinforcement over time, he feels like nothing he can do is right (in your eyes). If he's confident with himself and who he is, he'll come to resent you. If he's at all unsure about himself, he'll start to believe you, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Neither one is a desirable, beneficial outcome to you, him or the marriage. 

Did my husband do the same to me? Just as I'm sure there are untold numbers of women who don't ever do this kind of thing to their husbands, I'm sure there are men who did it to their wives too. But I don't think of it as a typical male characteristic. As I sat and thought about it, I realized my husband didn't display the same behavior toward me. I even thought about some of the times I really did make mistakes. The time I backed into the gate and scratched the car? He never said a word about it. The time I was making dinner, got distracted by a call from my mom, and burned it to cinders? He just said, "We can just order a pizza." The time I tried to put the new patio furniture together and left his good tools out in the rain? "Accidents happen," was his only response. 

I shuddered to think what I would have said had the shoe been on the other foot and he’d made those mistakes.

So is he just a better person than me? Why doesn’t he bite my head off when I don’t do things the way he likes? I’d be a fool to think it doesn’t happen. And yet I don’t remember him ever calling me out on it. It doesn’t seem he’s as intent as changing the way I do things. But why?

Maybe I should take what’s he always said at face value. The fact that these little things “really don’t matter that much to him” is not a sign that he’s lazy, or that he’s incapable of learning, or that he just doesn’t give a damn about what I want. Maybe to him, the small details are not that important in his mind — and justifiably so. They’re not the kinds of things to start fights over. They’re not the kinds of things he needs to change about me. It certainly doesn’t make him dumb or inept. He’s just not as concerned with some of the minutia as I am. And it’s why he doesn’t freak out when he’s on the other side of the fence.

The bottom line in all this is that I chose this man as my partner. He’s not my servant. He’s not my employee. He’s not my child. I didn’t think he was stupid when I married him – otherwise I wouldn’t have. He doesn’t need to be reprimanded by me because I don’t like the way he does some things.

When I got to that point mentally, it then made me start thinking about all the good things about him. He’s intelligent. He’s a good person. He’s devoted. He’s awesome with the kids. And he does always help around the house. (Just not always to my liking!) Even more, not only does he refrain from giving me grief when I make mistakes or do things differently than him, he’s always been very agreeable to my way of doing things. And for the most part, if he notices I prefer to do something a certain way, he tries to remember it in the future. Instead of focusing on those wonderful things, I just harped on the negative. And again, I know I’m not alone in this.

 If we keep attempting to make our husbands feel small, or foolish, or inept because they occasionally mess up (and I use that term to also mean “do things differently than us”), then eventually they’re going to stop trying to do things. Or worse yet, they’ll actually come to believe those labels are true.

In my case it’s my husband of 12+ years I’m talking about. The same man who thanklessly changed my car tire in the rain. The guy who taught our kids to ride bikes. The person who stayed with me at the hospital all night when my mom was sick. The man who has always worked hard to make a decent living and support his family.

He knows how to change the oil in the car. He can re-install my computer’s operating system. He lifts things for me that are too heavy and opens stuck jar lids. He shovels the sidewalk. He can put up a ceiling fan. He fixes the toilet when it won’t stop running. I can’t (or don’t) do any of those things. And yet I give him grief about a dish out of place. He’s a good man who does a lot for me, and doesn’t deserve to be harassed over little things that really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

 Since my revelation, I try and catch myself when I start to nag. I'm not always 100% consistent, but I know I've gotten a lot better. And I've seen that one little change make a big improvement in our relationship. Things seem more relaxed. We seem to be getting along better. I think we're both starting to see each other more as trusted partners, not adversarial opponents at odds with each other in our day-to-day existence. I've even come to accept that sometimes his way of doing things may be better!

It takes two to make a partnership. No one is always right and no one is always wrong. And you're not always going to see eye-to-eye on every little thing. It doesn't make you smarter, or superior, or more right to point out every little think he does that's not to your liking. Ladies, remember, it's just hamburger meat"  

Well?

Does anyone feel the same as me??

This article really hit home for me and I knew that I needed to blog about it because I knew that I would need to remember this lesson that I learned. 

I grew up in a house where I was the youngest. I never had to really deal much with younger siblings or living with anyone but my parents. My next sibling up is nine years older than me. 

I really had things the way I wanted them. 

After getting married, I soon realized that we were blending two different lives.  Our two different ways of loading the dishwasher, two different ways of folding the laundry, two different traditions for dinner, etc. Now, all of a sudden, it wasn't just me anymore that mattered. He had his own way of doing things too. 

And...even after two years, there are still differences :) 

Although we have found what works for us, at the beginning, I was very forceful when I wanted things "my way, or the highway." Craig was very patient with me, and did everything he could do make sure I was happy. And, in the end, I have learned to be grateful for the things that make us different. 

But, I wouldn't say that this is true every day of the week, every week of the year. 

Only a couple weeks ago, I nearly made my sweet husband cry because of the words that were coming out of my mouth. And at this time, I can't even remember what it was about. Maybe the cleaner that he had bought, maybe the way he was trying to stain our new dresser...but OBVIOUSLY it wasn't worth fighting over. 

As I read this article, everything she wrote was something that I could picture. I could see me losing my cool because of a "hamburger meat" moment, I could see him try to laugh it off with me, I could see him slowly backing off as harsh words exited my mouth, and I could see his face change as he realizes his defeat and hurt. Of course, in these pictures, I am too proud to apologize or realize the silliness of the situation. Instead, I see myself justifying my behavior and harping more for apologizing for nothing he did wrong. 

This experience was way to fresh in my mind.

Since then, I have learned a lot. Yes, just in a few short weeks. But, I cannot explain to you how much our relationship has grown in that time. I look at my husband in a very different light. He is my equal. He is my best friend. He is the person that I chose to be with for eternity and I should never, in the first place, treated him as anything less. 

Marriage is quite the journey...but I am sure most of you already know that :) 

I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father has been able to teach me many different lessons through my marriage. 

And even more, I am grateful for the man by my side the offers complete love and patience with his wife. I couldn't ask for anything more from anyone <3

So here is to many more lessons, but to also getting much, much better :) 

Happy Wednesday ALL!!