Monday, March 21, 2016

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I am not usually one that takes the time to get some thoughts down, but it is time. 
I love pictures of my family, so that is what you will mostly see on here, but I hope to get a few more words down more...not just captions :) 
I do not consider myself someone that has really ever had any major struggles in life. 
I have had hard times making decisions (big and little), I find myself struggling with jealousy, I find myself regreting things that I have said and done...but major trials in life? I haven't had...YET. 

This picture was taken the day or so after Christmas in 2015. 
I had just gotten Paisley down for a nap and was sitting on the counter drinking hot chocolate, soaking in the last little bits of Christmas in my little home. 

I sat there thinking about how great life was. I took this picture of myself because I wanted to capture that little memory forever! 
I thought about writing a blog post about happy I was with myself and where this life was taking me. 
Now, I hope this doesn't sound like..."Oh look at me..." because that is actually quite the opposite. 

I think during that little month (and probably in the past also) I was getting down
You know how you have those little ups and downs in life? Ya, one of those :)
But this day, I was HAPPY. 
That blog post that I planned in my head (or journal entry, if you will) was going to be great :)
It was going to remind me of all of the good things I had going and would be there to tell me not to envy others and the materialistic things or happiness-es that they have. 
Because I really did have all I ever wanted. 

But, you guessed it...that blog post never happened!

Instead, Christmas got put away and I spent time caring for my family.
Before I knew it, another new (very full) semester had started again and that was again going to have to be a big focus of mine. 
Working out was not happening anymore and I became unhappy or discontent with myself. 
Let me just say that it really was JUST me. 
I wasn't unhappy with Craig or Paisley, but me. 

I felt like I was focusing on the wrong things. I would sit in Sacrament meeting each Sunday and realize AGAIN that I had not opened my scriptures that week. I had failed at remembering (or pushed aside) Family Home Evening, and prayers were very sparse. 

Disconcerting? Ya, quite a lot. 
Now this is just me. We all are different and we all go through the roller coasters of life. 
But I KNEW that is what I needed to be doing to be happy. 

I needed to workout when I could because I WANTED to, not because I felt like I HAD to. 
I needed to put my phone away and my computer down, unless I was doing good!!
I needed to take time to look at others needs. 
I needed to read my scriptures with intent and learn the stories of my ancestors. 
I needed to remind my family on a daily basis of how much I love them...and remind them by showing them. 
I needed to make time for my honey- because those husband are pretty darn important. 

Now, I am still not doing all of those things.
But I felt like today I could write this post because I did take time for my Heavenly Father when I read the BoM. Did I forget my morning prayers today? Ya...when your husband runs in to the bedroom where you are sleeping with a baby girl that has poop up her back, you don't kneel down and say..."Just a minute honey!" ha
But hey, isn't it great that there is still room for improvement! 
I worked out today also. It felt good to know that I took care of myself. 

I hope that I (and maybe whoever else reads this little space) can remember that we don't need to be perfect to be happy.
We just need to give a good effort every day! 
And remember, that we are still going to mess up. 

It's why we are here.

So smile!
Think of Christmas, if that helps :)

Happy Monday <3

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